Seeing things more clearly

I was alone and helpless. I was afraid.

It was late in the afternoon, the sun painted the wide sky above us red. I was quiet and calm. I was leaning on the dusty wooden wall of the dormitory. A man smiled at me, waved his hands, and walked away. A woman whispered me words, wrapped her hands around me, and kissed me on the forehead. She was teary-eyed but she looked glad. She smiled at me, waved her hands, and walked away. The engine of the car started to make some noise. I felt weak. The car got smaller, and smaller, until there was none. I wanted to shout. I wanted to cry. But most of all, I wanted to run and chase that car. However, there was nothing but a blank stare.

For me, that was the beginning of the end.

Back then, I was only 12 years old—small, young, and innocent. I’ve lived all those 12 years with my parents. They were always there to assist, comfort, and do many things for me. They would wake me up at 6 in the morning so that I wouldn’t be late for school. My mom would cook for me my favorite dishes. My dad would drive me to school and fetch me afterwards.

Before graduation, I received my letter of acceptance from the Philippine Science High School-Bicol Region Campus. Besides the fact that it was one of the most prestigious schools in our place, I had no other idea about that place. My parents, relatives, and teachers were very happy for me and so I had this feeling that I would be studying at one great, great school.

But wait. My eyes are telling me the opposite.

That afternoon, my parents left me at the dormitory of that school. A blank stare was all I can give. And then, I had no choice but to turn around and walk inside. I saw a dull, unpainted room with about 20 rusty double-deck beds clumped at its four sides. There was a space with few tables aligned at the middle. And then, at the corner of my eye, I saw the comfort room. There were only 2 cubicles for all 40 freshman students in that room. Oh no, I wanted to back out. Sigh.

Later that night, the caterer arrived and brought us food. It was a delicious, saucy, and tasty chicken barbeque. One freshman said “I wasn’t disappointed with the food”. We laughed and agreed. Then, one sophomore student answered “Just a first day impression”. She explained that the school’s budget for one student’s meal is less than 30 pesos so we can’t expect good food at all times. Silence. We don’t know how to react.

It was really hard to have a good sleep that night. I ended up thinking of the television and the shows that I won’t be able to watch. I was thinking how the first day of school would be. And I was thinking what my dad, mom, and siblings were doing. I finally went to sleep at about 12 midnight. After barely 2 hours of sleep, I heard the sounds of the water in the restroom. With my eyes half-open, I saw a line of pails and washroom stuffs. It was already a long line but I was lucky I was not the last. I had my turn to use the comfort room at about 7:10 in the morning and our class was at 7:20. I was rushing so that I wouldn’t be late for my first class in my first year in high school.

I was running to catch my first class. Just after I opened the door of the dorm, I saw some students on their chairs and a blackboard in front of them. There was no room. I started wondering how my room or rather my class would look like. Then, under a large, shady tree, I saw another class. They were laughing and talking about their first teacher who was absent. At that point, I was not expecting for a nice room but I was hoping for a room, at least.

I was not disappointed; all the freshmen students have rooms. It has only two walls however, one in front and the other at the back. There were no doors and windows. We have two exhausted ceiling fans but only one works. There were enough chairs but not space. The floor was really dusty that when you drop your ballpen and retrieve it, it would look like a hundred-year old pen used by the Jose Rizal. Moreover, it was hot yet windy. Winds bring the dust in your eyes. Now, the exciting part—we are one with nature. From small lizards, scary geckos, and hairy caterpillars, name it and we have it. I really have to have the guts to continue my studies in a place like that.

Yes, first impressions last but they aren’t always true.

As days past on that impossible school, I begin to see things beyond what they just look like. Our room was dull and so we painted and decorated few corners to make it livelier. It was fun meeting friends and playing with them during that activity. There were also dorm activities that students would really appreciate as stress-relievers. The dorm was also well-lighted at night. My classmates and I would play sipa, tagu-taguan, agawan-base, and jumping rope after class. We also made a schedule for the comfort room usage and we also utilized the comfort rooms at the other building. The food was not bad at all— more of vegetables and pork, sometimes fish or beef. We also bring canned goods in case the food was not good or not enough. The floor of our room was cemented as part of the homeroom project. Because we don’t walls, we place our chairs under that shady, scented tree with yellow flowers adjacent to our room and listened to our teachers. Fresh air was really nice. Caterpillars and geckos would not mind the students if the students would not disturb them. Besides, they were busy gathering their food. I also experienced having a class with only a blackboard and some chairs, class under the tree, on a stage, and anywhere I wouldn’t imagine I would. It’s weird but it’s a lot fun, really. You should try it sometimes.

Because of my experience in high school, it wasn’t hard for me to adjust to college life. Luckily, Ateneo de Manila has air-conditioned rooms, well-equipped laboratories, and nice facilities. I don’t have classes under the tree or at zen garden. I have internet connection at my dorm and a comfort room which I share with my brother and not 39 other dormers. I learned at lot of things during my four years of stay at Pisay-Bicol and I know that all of these things would be of use in the future.

I didn’t regret the day my parents left me at that school. That blank stare was just right. Indeed, the famous saying which goes “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is true. We see things more clearly not through our eyes but with our hearts.

~ by ivymarie on March 16, 2008.